Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Men & Women

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men.
But married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There’s no use two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Saturday, February 2nd, 2008

cool 1

While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.

A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”

Thursday, August 9th, 2007

Your mama’s glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she sees people waving

Thursday, August 9th, 2007

Joke

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him “Doctor I’m hurting all over my body.”

“That’s odd” replied the doctor “Show me what you mean”

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain.  

She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says to her “Your not a natural brunette are you?”

“No I’m a blonde” she replies.

“I thought so…. your finger is broken.” replies the doctor

Thursday, August 9th, 2007

Joke

A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says: That’s great honey! What kind of degree? And the son, almost squealing with excitement says: The best one ever, a Celsius degree!

Thursday, August 9th, 2007

Jokes

A consultant died and went to heaven. There were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the consultant was, and greeted him warmly. St. Peter took the consultant up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.The consultant said, “I like all this attention, but what makes me so special?”

St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you’re 193 years old!”

Thursday, August 9th, 2007

Jokes

 Boy: I am not rich like rohit, I don’t even have a big car like rohit. But I really love you!    

 Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about rohit 

  Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend’s name in English. 
   Sardar wrote: ‘ Beautiful Red Underwear’ 
   Teacher: What?
   Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Sheddy

When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, ” You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Saturday, July 14th, 2007

Marriage Jokes

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

….from ahajokes.com

Friday, July 6th, 2007

Software Development Cycle

Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

 Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.

Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.

Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.

 Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.

Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…

Wednesday, July 4th, 2007

Jokes

  • Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4 the what is 4+4?

             Student: Mam, it is not fair that U answer the easy ones and leave the

             hard ones for us!…

  • When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. ….Gene Perret

Wednesday, July 4th, 2007

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